Image: bluestocking via Istock Image: bluestocking via Istock

As if proof were needed that you should only insert things into your bottom that were designed to be put there, a man has had to have a foot-long aubergine removed from his rectum.

The case was reported from China and involved a 50-year-old man who had supposedly been trying to cure his own constipation using natural methods.

For whatever reason, he decided the aubergine he had lying around might be helpful - but instead of using it to eat for a little extra fibre, he took the unusual move of inserting it into his bottom, where it promptly disappeared.

The unnamed man experienced considerable discomfort as the vegetable moved through his intestines and almost managed to get to his heart before he finally admitted defeat and went to the hospital.

According to Kan Kan News, it was two days before he sought medical help and was able to undergo emergency surgery to have the foodstuff removed whole.

Although the patient's lungs had become inflamed as a result of the foreign body and his heart was in danger of penetration, he is now said to be recovering well.

This patient had sworn blind he was attempting to use the vegetable as a medical aid, but it wouldn't be the first time that someone had tried to use a roughly penis-shaped vegetable as a sex aid, if that's indeed what he was doing.

In fact, we recently spotted a different story from India that reported a case of a man who had 'fallen' onto his shower head while having a wash and got it stuck up - you guessed it - his bottom.

Funny how these objects always manage to go up there when someone falls, isn't it?

The 26-year-old in this case had to detach the shower head from the wall and go to hospital in New Delhi with it still in his bottom so that doctors could remove it.

Medics placed him under general anaesthetic and manoeuvred the object out the same way it went in - but the head doctor involved told a medical journal he wasn't convinced by the man's insistence that he didn't put the shower head there himself.

"Though the patient reported accidental insertion of the shower head and denied voluntary insertion, there is a high suspicion of voluntary insertion for auto-erotic purpose. Insertion of objects for auto-erotic purposes is the most common cause of rectal foreign bodies," the case notes recorded, which is medical speak for 'a likely story'.

Anal sex and auto-erotic stimulation of this area is popular among both homosexual and heterosexual participants because it is full of nerve endings and so feels good when you arouse it. However, this just goes to show that you should never be tempted to use anything other than a sex toy or a (sensible) part of the body to penetrate the anus.

You should also use plenty of lube too, as this relaxes the anal sphincter for painless penetration.