Woman swears off sex with husband until she can be intimate for herself
A 30-year-old woman has revealed that she is abstaining from sex with her husband until she learns to enjoy herself in the bedroom. Britni de la Cretaz, a writer from Boston, US, has said that previous experience with partners has left her being passive when it comes to sex.
According to Ms de la Cretaz, she previously treated herself like a sexual object to make her partners happy. She said she would participate in a number of sexual acts she didn't like in an attempt to act like a porn star because this is what she thought men wanted.
While doing whatever her partner wanted, Ms de la Cretaz didn't enjoy sex and didn't know that it was her choice to say no to certain things. This impacted her enjoyment of physical intimacy.
"Growing up in a world that tells women that we are sexual objects, that wants us to know that our worth lies in how attractive we are to men," she wrote on Cosmopolitan.com. "I internalised those messages. I learned to see my value being measured by how many men wanted to sleep with me."
Previously, Ms de la Cretaz had used sex as a way to get people to like her and to avoid arguments with her partner. She said that her whole life had been about having sex for other people rather than herself.
In her essay, she revealed that she was pressured into anal sex for the first time with a past partner, even though she didn't want to. She writes that she cried throughout the whole experience, but afterwards her partner told her how sexy he thought she was and how much he cared about her.
This made Ms de la Cretaz believe that the affection people felt for her was contingent on what she was willing to do in the bedroom. Over time, this has left her "incredibly traumatised", partly because she has realised that although at the time she thought it was consensual, in reality, she didn't really know how to consent and didn't enjoy anal sex and other sexual acts.
All of these revelations have led her to make the decision to discover what she enjoys and how she can have sex for herself rather than for her partner.
While some husbands may not be happy with learning that their wives want to swear off sex, Mr de la Cretaz is happy with her choice and fully supports her. Until she feels happy being intimate for the right reasons, she is determined not to have sex "for her husband", which she says has actually strengthened their relationship.